If you had asked me the same question a few years ago, I would have answered the same way as my sister. However, as I explained to her, I wouldn’t baptize my child, or put him or her through any religious right-of-passage. Not because I don’t respect different religious traditions. It’s actually the opposite. I feel that by participating in such a religious custom would make a mockery of it. For me it is the same as getting married in a religious house of worship when I am not a devote member of that faith.
My opinions of faith, relationships, marriage, and family will definitely adapt and change over the years to come, as they should. At the end of the day what I learnt is that it is more important to have the dialogue, than be right. When it comes to interfaith dating, marriages, and families, it is a conversation we all need to have with each other, and with ourselves.
Brown University must have tapped into my subconscious because they recently held a public dialogue about exactly that.
The Brown Daily Herald published an article today following an Interfaith Dating Forum that took place the day before. The event drew over twenty students into a dialogue about pivotal points in interfaith relationships. The topics discussed included religious ceremonies, negotiations over holidays and how to raise children when the parents belong to different faiths. The participants came from diverse religious backgrounds, all with different experiences and perspectives to share.
Panelist Carol Cohen, associate dean of the college, and a Jew married to a Christian priest, said “The public aspect (has been) much harder to negotiate than the private.” The key to an interfaith relationship is “about knowing where your lines are … the meaningful lines,” she said.
Panelist Ceceley Chambers, a Jew married to an atheist, decided last year she wanted to become a rabbi. In order for her to do so, her husband would have to convert to Judaism, something he is willing to do. Regardless of his decision, Chambers already knows where her boundary lies. “If I was asked to choose between my husband and being a rabbi, I would choose my husband,” she said.
However, not everyone at the dialogue had experience with serious romantic interfaith relationships. Many addressed the topic hypothetically.
Panelist Nathaniel Johnson, a student at the college, has been in many interfaith relationships, but none of them romantic. He said his parents would probably have a problem if he wanted to marry someone from a different faith. “There would be a long conversation,” he said. Johnson added that it was also very important to distinguish the difference between dating and marriage.
Some of the panelist drew upon their knowledge of interfaith relationships from observing their interfaith parents. “Just growing up with them, I could see their relationship had a tension,” said panelist and student Mary Yang.
Reasons for attending the dialogue varied also. “I’m here because I’ve been dating a Catholic girl for three years, and I’m Jewish,” said Matthew Reiss, audience member and student.
Christopher Huynh, another audience member, “was just kind of interested in seeing what interfaith dating is.”
Whatever the reason may be, it is an important discussion to have. Interfaith relationships go beyond the two people involved in the relationship. Especially when marriage and children are involved, there is a larger family to consider. Being prepared to have those conversations, and make those sometimes-difficult decisions go a long way in the end.
Chelsea Waite, one of the event’s coordinators, said the “assumptions that go along with a certain faith … are confronted when dating someone not of your faith.”
Website: www.browndailyherald.com
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